So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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