it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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