They have a pepper shaker for pot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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