ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
