The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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