I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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