i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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