It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
