I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
