a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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