I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
