do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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