Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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