In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
