I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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