Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
