Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
