You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
