im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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