he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
