I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
