I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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