Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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