After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
