You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
