yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
