I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
