good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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