She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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