This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
