so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
