my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
