Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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