Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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