Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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