Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
