I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
