I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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