hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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