I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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