lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
