I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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