The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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