Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
