my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
