I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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