If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
