The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
