Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize