i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
