she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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