Dual....:-)
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you traded sex for a burrito?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Terrible idea I love it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
