I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
