k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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