happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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