so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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