Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
