I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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