and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize