Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
