Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
