So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
