Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
