i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He shit in the fireplace
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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