I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
