So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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