Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
