Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
