wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
