All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
