Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
