in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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