WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently you make a good broom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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