She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
