he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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