Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
