id be glad to
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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