Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
