who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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