So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
