He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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