I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
