Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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