I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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