marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
