dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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