proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
two words: eviction party
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
