Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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