my phone needs a breathalizer
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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