Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
