I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
