I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize