if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
