I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
