Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
