Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
