Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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